I couldn't leave it alone...
A wanted man suffering from amnesia searches for clues to his past and a way to destroy a prototype weapon, which has the power to enslave billions, before it falls into the hands of a powerful religious cult.
Update: I read it and I just wanna change it all the time...
A wanted man suffering from amnesia searches for clues to his past and a way to destroy a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions, before it can fall into the hands of a powerful religious cult.
5 years ago
Posts
The tricky thing about the elevator pitch is giving information without giving too much information. You need very powerful phrases and you need to raise more questions than you answer.
ReplyDelete"Hunted across the galaxy" is a powerful phrase that I'd be sorry to see you cut. It adds an urgency to your character's story in a way that someone hunting for clues doesn't. Being hunted means action happens. Searching for clues means, well, research happens.
"Before it can fall into the hands of a powerful religious cult" is not a powerful phrase. It answers too many questions that would otherwise leave someone wanting more. If you say that he's hunted, it'll be obvious that there's someone hunting him. Don't say who. Don't say why. Hook them, and make them ask you.
Gabrielle
That's interesting Gabrielle. I'd never thought of it like that. I always write with a view to asking more questions than I answer, and an elevator pitch or query shouldn't be any different.
ReplyDeleteThanks. :-)