Thursday 29 January 2009

The Elevator Pitch Part IV addendum

I couldn't leave it alone...

A wanted man suffering from amnesia searches for clues to his past and a way to destroy a prototype weapon, which has the power to enslave billions, before it falls into the hands of a powerful religious cult.

Update: I read it and I just wanna change it all the time...

A wanted man suffering from amnesia searches for clues to his past and a way to destroy a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions, before it can fall into the hands of a powerful religious cult.

Wednesday 28 January 2009

The Elevator Pitch Part IV

OK, a couple of points need improving to move this pitch to the next level.

As a one-sentence summary, what I've written works reasonably well. There needs to be a little more to it though and I've identified the issues with it in a previous post.

A one-sentence summary can be quite useful. Imagine being in that elevator and the Agent/Editor's floor is next. The doors slide open and just before they exit the elevator, they ask you what you are writing.

A short tag line or one sentence summary can also help maintain focus on the overall big picture. This is something that's helped me very recently.

Rachelle advocates having several different pitches for different situations.

So, I'll keep the tagline format for now and then I'll move onto a conversational format.

Hunted across the galaxy by a powerful religious cult, an amnesiac searches for clues to his past and the forgotten knowledge of a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions.

I'll drop forgotten knowledge it still sounds pants. The hero needs to destroy this weapon to prevent a terrible fate befalling billions of innocent people, so that needs to go in too.

An amnesiac is hunted across the galaxy whilst he searches for clues to his past and must destroy a prototype weapon, which has the power to enslave billions, before it falls into the hands of a powerful religious cult.

Hmmm.

Has this improved the pitch? I'll give a reserved yes to that question. It now has the hero's aims in it so in that respect it is slightly better.

An amnesiac, wanted throughout the galaxy, searches for clues to his past and must destroy a prototype weapon, which has the power to enslave billions, before it falls into the hands of a powerful religious cult.

This sounds much better. The religious cult isn’t the only group searching for the protagonist so it still fulfils the requirement of a one-sentence summary.

In Part V I'll look at making this pitch more conversational. In the meantime check out Rachelle's critiques on elevator pitches in The Elevator Pitch, Part 1 and The Elevator Pitch, Second Floor

Monday 26 January 2009

The Elevator Pitch Part III c

Some of the results are in.

Rachelle has critiqued my Elevator pitch.

If you remember, for the purposes of the critique I settled on this:

Hunted across the galaxy by a powerful religious cult, an amnesiac searches for clues to his past and the forgotten knowledge of a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions.

This is despite knowing there were a few problems with the pitch as it stands.

Rachelle thoughts:

Try as I might, I can't imagine you letting loose with this in response to the question, "So what are you writing?" Why not start with something more conversational like, "I'm writing a sci-fi about an amnesiac who is being hunted across the galaxy by a powerful religious cult, because he..." Make this into a verbal pitch, a dialogue. First, put it in context by saying what it is. (A sci-fi or whatever.) Then fill it in with some of the story. Why do we care about this amnesiac? What will he do with the weapon? And why does the cult want him? Then put a finish on it. You could have a concluding statement like, "The novel is finished and I have sample chapters available" or you could ask a question such as, "Are you interested in sci-fi?"


Can you see a trend here? Boris thought along similar lines and he too wanted to know about the weapon.

So what will my hero do with this weapon?

Well, as I've mentioned previously, he will need to destroy it, although this wasn't part of the original outline, in fact it wasn't much of a weapon at all. What has become apparent is that this weapon needs to take a bigger role in the story.

Previously, the story was more of a personal struggle for the protagonist, but I've become aware even before writing the pitch that I needed to up the stakes a lot more.

The pitch has guided my focus to such an extent that I now have a much better idea of the bigger issues that my hero will face. What I had originally envisioned as the main story arc has now become rather minor, but nonetheless driving aspect of the story against a much bigger backdrop.

Friday 23 January 2009

Just Added. . .

A Newbie's Guide to Publishing by JA Konrath.

I've added it to the Publishing Section rather than Author Blogs. The reason will be immediately obvious when you take a peek at the site.

It is packed to the gills with good advice.

Enjoy!

The Elevator Pitch Part III b

In the latest post on Rants and Ramblings Rachelle is asking Q4U: What's Your Book About? She is very kindly offering critiques on any pitches that are posted.

Elevator pitches at the ready!

I've taken the plunge (I was feeling brave) and went with the latest version of my hook.

Hunted across the galaxy by a powerful religious cult, an amnesiac searches for clues to his past and the forgotten knowledge of a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions.

Update: I should point out that Rachelle does not represent Sci-Fi or Fantasy but she's a good sport and she may well critique it anyway.

Thursday 22 January 2009

The Elevator Pitch Part III a

In The Elevator Pitch Part I I had a stab at writing an elevator pitch.

In that post I wound up with this:

An amnesiac, on the run from the Police, searches for clues to his past whilst hunted by a powerful religious cult.

It was missing some key elements so in The Elevator Pitch Part II I added those key elements and revised it a little.

Eventually I settled on this:

Hunted across the galaxy, by a powerful religious cult, an amnesiac searches for clues to his past and tries to remember the knowledge of a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions.

I resisted the urge to tinker with it and just left it as it was so that, when the time comes for the final version, I will hopefully have a fresh perspective on it.

Then Boris came up with some great suggestions for the pitch in the comments section.

Minor niggle: I think the first comma is superfluous.

Yes. It reads so much better without it.

Tries to remember knowledge... sounds klunky, at least to me. Can you even remember knowledge? And since he is trying to remember it, he already has knowledge of it, doesn't he?

Yes, the protagonist has some knowledge in that he knows something about it, but he doesn't have any useful knowledge other than this prototype exists, but remember knowledge sounds very clunky.

Boris suggests the following:

Hunted across the galaxy by a powerful religious cult, an amnesiac searches for clues to his past and tries to remember how to build a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions.

This excellent, but (ah there's always a but) the protagonist is not going to build this weapon he must destroy it. So why isn't that in there?

Boris then asks several questions about what will happen which, as he pointed out meant it worked! Yay!

Although... will he enslave billions with it to save himself from the cult? If not, how will it help him then?

Always leave 'em wanted more - part IV coming soon.

Sunday 18 January 2009

More on Motivation Reaction Units

It's been a while since I last posted on MRUs so I thought now would be a good time to gather my thoughts on the subject.

Regular readers may remember that I have been rewriting my earlier chapters using MRU's in between writing the new chapters. This has been quite refreshing and allows me to get into different parts of my protagonist’s head (parts that have become dull with time and almost forgotten about). It has also allowed me to see how much my writing has improved over the course of the novel.

When I first started writing using the MRU technique, I found that I produced short choppy paragraphs. To some degree, I still do that now, but when I feel there is too much white space I look over some of the preceding paragraphs to see where they can be embellished.

Often this is a simple fix. Sometimes all that is needed is to clump several motivations together and have your character react to the most important one. Other times a little interspersed description will do the trick.

If your writing tends to be very tight and to the point, you'll find this is a great way to increase your word count without bloating your story.

You can find a whole lot more on MRUs in Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain and here on Randy Ingermanson's Advanced Fiction Writing and in some of my previous posts below:

Motivation-Reaction Units
Thou Shalt Not Have Thy Protagonist in Thy Motivation Unit
Thou Can Have Thy Protagonist in Thy Motivation Unit
Mini Post
Fridayitis is Back (er except it's not. It was then but it's not now, but it might come back this week - who knows!)

Friday 16 January 2009

15 Word Competition

For those of you who are into Flash Fiction Writer's Relief Blog has a fifteen-word contest for their 15th anniversary. Yay!

Write a poem, short story or a short essay of exactly 15 words.

More details here.

Tuesday 13 January 2009

Dialogue Link Fest

I've been catching up on some of the blogs I've missed over the holidays and I had to provide link a link to Let Me Tell You Something – Dialogue, Part Un.

As usual The Blood-Red Pencil provides some great advice. Make sure you check out Part Deux and Part Trois. The final part has some great links to dialogue resources.

Check it out.

Monday 5 January 2009

The Elevator Pitch Part II

OK so yesterday I was in the middle of writing my Elevator pitch and I had two ballpark lines:

An amnesiac, on the run from the Police, searches for clues to his past whilst hunted by a powerful religious cult.

And

An amnesiac, chased across the galaxy by the Police, searches for clues to his past whilst hunted by a powerful religious cult.

They're both pretty much same ol, same ol, but the second one provides a vital clue about the genre I am writing in. Without 'chased across the galaxy' I could be writing a thriller, which I am not so that stays.

Adam over on Author's Echo has produced a nice list, about what should be in a typical hook, and I am going to use it here to break down my elevator pitch.
  • Protagonist. Who is the story about? Check: an amnesiac.
  • Antagonist. Who or what is against the protagonist? Check: Police. Check: powerful religious cult.
  • Goal. What does the protagonist want to accomplish? Check: searches for clues to his past
  • Stakes. What will happen if the protagonist does not accomplish their goal? Ooops: nothing for this so far.
  • Conflict. What is keeping the protagonist from accomplish their goal? Check: Police. Check: powerful religious cult.
  • Setting. Where/when does the story take place? Check: the galaxy.
  • Theme. What is the story's main subject or idea? Ooops: nothing for this one either.
OK I am missing a few things namely stakes and theme. Can I put these things in? Sure! But first, let's drop the police bit as it is likely to get too long.

Hunted across the galaxy, by a powerful religious cult, an amnesiac searches for clues to his past and tries to remember the knowledge of a prototype device that has the power to enslave trillions of people.

Getting warmer?

Trillions is a bit over dramatic and there's bound to have been several wars to wipe out a few billion people here and there. Then there's device which is a bit non descript. Perhaps weapon would be better, although the device in question isn't as such but it does have the power to be a weapon, so weapon it is. Also, people is a bit superfluous although the idea is to be specific.

I'll try it as:

Hunted across the galaxy, by a powerful religious cult, an amnesiac searches for clues to his past and tries to remember the knowledge of a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions.

Now we have the stakes power to enslave billions and the idea in the subtext is simply good vs. evil or as I like to say baddies doing bad things and goodies doing good things. yay!

So it's all done, for now anyway. . .

Sunday 4 January 2009

The Elevator Pitch Part I

Or as I might call it The Lift Pitch but as that doesn't quite have the same ring to it so I think I'll stick with elevator.

What's all the fuss? Well, you're at a writing conference and it just so happens that you're sharing an elevator with your dream agent/editor. You have one floor before they depart and they casually ask (as their wont to do) 'so, what's your book about?'

What is it about? How can you possibly condense your novel into a sentence? I mean, query letters are hard enough right? Oh, wait I haven't done one of those yet but I hear they're really, really hard OK?

Some writers like to do this sort of thing near the end of the writing process and other like to use it as a focal point and do it right at the very start. Me, I'm a bit dumb about things like this - I've just done mine now and I'm in the middle of the writing process (not quite half way through yet).

Why now? Well, I've now got a very good idea about where my book is going (finally) and some of the smaller elements of my book are going to be quite a bit bigger than I had originally envisaged. Aaaand, Randy Ingermanson has just run a competition for his readers to do a Star Wars–One Sentence Summary. The results are here.

So what is my story about?

Well, here's one I did earlier (it's a bit rubbish but I'm feeling brave today). Written quite some time ago (nearly 8 months ago in fact - wow I need to finish this book) under the title of One Sentence Story Arc.

Aydan searches for his identity and clues to who he is, but has a second chance to shape his future.

Yeah I know it really is pants so after reading Randy's recent posts I decided to rewrite it.

An amnesiac, on the run from the Police, searches for clues to his past whilst hunted by a powerful religious cult.

Hmmm.

It's not ready yet and as you can see there's no hint of any Sci Fi elements at all but that's easily remidied by something like:

An amnesiac, chased across the galaxy by the Police, searches for clues to his past whilst hunted by a powerful religious cult.

This is probably something that I could tweak forever and a day but it's time to set myself a deadline so I will finish it tonight and I will post the final sentence here tomorrow.
 
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